I love being a mom. I really do. It is by far the most amazing role I have ever had. Her sweet little soul, those darling smiles and bright baby blue eyes. She is all I could have dreamed she would be and more, breathtaking. I am so honored to have a child I am able to hold in my arms. I truly believe I was made to be a mama. I understand that it is an incredible blessing to have my baby here on this earth to care for.

That doesn’t mean it’s not freaking hard.

Giving all of yourself daily to another person is painstaking. Yes, we
can do it. The tasks of being a parent are totally “doable”. No matter what hand you were dealt, if you have 1 baby or 10. Children with challenges or special needs. You can do it, change them,
feed them, clothe them and give them what they need. Parents are absolutely amazing. I don’t think that’s the hard part. Don’t get me wrong, those things are exhausting and physically draining. But I think the hard part is the responsibility. The responsibility of not screwing them up and keeping them alive. That’s the part that weighs on you. That keeps you awake during the only 4 hours of sleep you actually have a chance at. It’s overwhelming to think that your child depends on you to know so much. And if you don’t know it, look it up or find someone who does. Wow, it’s a lot to handle.

This past week my daughter was 15 weeks. It was a normal day. We played and I did laundry and dishes ran some errands then showered while she napped. I felt off and I couldn’t put my finger on it. You know those days? When you are so full of emotion but you can’t figure out if you’re happy or sad or just confused with life? It wasn’t until I crawled into bed at night that I felt the flood gates open with my husband asking me if I was OK.

You see, I’m learning a lot as a new mom. I’m learning that if you’re not really careful you can forget to fill back up and you're left empty. And that’s no one’s fault but your own. A big ol' empty mama with all of her love given away and none left for herself. With puke down her shirt, yesterday’s makeup smudged on her face and a mess of a mom bun. If you give all your love away and don’t have any leftover you look at that puked on mama in the mirror and tell her she is a bad mom. That she probably sucks and isn’t cutting it. That she should just give up now because she probably already screwed it up. That there's no reason why she can’t journal more and take more pictures of her baby. That she should be able to keep up on the house work and have no problem with getting all the laundry done.That dinner should be made like a picture from Pinterest and babies should always be clean with their nails clipped (no one likes clipping a baby's nails). You have no love and no grace left over for yourself.

Being a mother is so humbling. It’s teaching me that I have a lot to learn and work on. I never realized that saving love and grace for myself was going to be so important. I honestly thought it was all about pouring into her. That night Sean looked at me and said simply “we are going to screw it up”. For some reason I smiled when he said that. I felt such relief in those words. Instantly both of my parent’s faces popped up in my head. Two people that I absolutely adore who probably thought they were screwing it up. They are incredible parents and I hope and pray I can be like them.

If you’re one of those people that doesn’t talk about bathrooms and pretends that they are rooms you never have to use, this blog is not for you. Bathrooms are always a hot topic when you talk about foreign travel. They are a place we all have to go and don’t have a choice in the matter. I have heard my share of horror stories when it comes to bathrooms and travel. I wanted to give you guys some insight into Japanese bathroom experiences.

But before I get into it, I really can’t talk about bathrooms in Japan without first talking about Japanese public bathing. Bathing is a really big deal in Japan. There are even public baths where people go to relax. These public hot spring baths are called onsen. Bathing in Japan is also part of the Japanese routine. It’s not just for cleaning your body but also your state of mind. Bathing was known historically as being a gift from the gods, as there are many natural hot springs all over Japan. Bathing is also associated with the Buddhist religion, with the act of bathing known to clean and purify one’s body.

In Japan, people bathe in the nude (separated by gender). After being in Japan and observing their often modest culture, the fact that Japanese people bathe together completely naked is not what I expected. However, this practice has been going on for centuries so it is a very traditional practice.

So let’s talk about the process a little. When you bathe in a Japanese style onsen (public bath) you wash your body BEFORE you get in the bathtub. In an onsen, there is usually a small locker room or cubbies outside of the bathing area where you can put your things. Then before getting into the bath itself, there is another area where you can sit (usually on a small stool) and shower. This is where you wash your body before getting in the bath. It is very important that you thoroughly wash yourself before you get into the bath! Japanese baths are generally very hot and the tubs are deep so that your entire body shoulders down is covered with water :) Really nice!

In our apartment, there is a room with a sink and mirror outside of the room with the bath. That is where you undress and leave your clothes. Then, when you step inside the bathroom, the room is completely waterproof.  So, you generally shower before stepping into the bath itself.  The room has a few neat features, such as adjustable air temperature, bath water temperature, and the ability to reheat the bathwater without refilling it.  Because you are cleaned off when you get into the bath it can be kept warm by a temperature gage and is usually used for more than one person. This way you save water.

 After explaining all this it should make sense that what we think of “bathrooms” are not called bathrooms at all.  They are called a Japanese word that means toilet, “toire”. In Japan, the room where you bathe and the room where the toilet is are usually separate. The toilet room is just that, a room with a toilet in it. When I first went into a bathroom in Japan that only had a toilet and no sink I was pretty confused. But I discovered that some toilets here have sinks built into the top of them. As the new water fills the back of the toilet it first runs out of a sink-like spigot allowing you to wash your hands as it fills after you flush.

That brings me to my final point, the toilets! Ok so yes, in some public bathrooms there are options and you can choose to use a stall with a squat toilet. These are most likely in train stations and tourist areas with large public bathrooms, or in very rural areas. But most commonly in Japan, you will find that they have the most amazing toilets. There are many features to Japanese toilets. There is a control panel on the side of the toilet. You can choose to warm the seat and play music or nature sounds (to drown out other sounds). There are also options to spray yourself. The buttons let you choose the location to be sprayed and the intensity that you’re sprayed. I am not kidding, these toilets are pretty standard in Japan and we actually have one in our small apartment.

Japanese bathing, especially public, was a bit intimidating when I was first introduced to it. However, my experiences have all been positive ones. A hot bath is so relaxing and a great way to clear my busy mama mind at the end of the day when little Lu is snug as a bug in dream land.