This year I became a Mom. I never thought in a million years that the process would look like it has. When it was finalized that we would be moving to Japan it felt a bit like I was seeing my life as an onlooker. Like I drifted away from my body and watched myself pack boxes. Things I dreamt of surrounding the growth and birth of Lucy couldn’t and didn’t happen the way I imagined. I honestly think I was in a little bit of shock. Everything happened like a whirl wind around me. I quickly and quietly traded in all of my expectations like an exchange for bowling shoes. There was a new plan, a new life. I slipped on my new roles and got a crash course on true friendship those days. Some people disappeared completely from our lives and others showed up with eager helping hearts.

There were so many little things that I didn’t even know I was emotionally attached to. I will never forget the phone call with my husband telling me what we thought to be a two room apartment was actually one and there would be no nursery to decorate. You could have told me my long loved childhood dog just died tragically. I sobbed on the spot, like ugly cry, couldn’t breathe. In that moment the reality set in. I sat there and felt the weight of it, that I was getting on a plane 8 months pregnant flying across the world away from my family. I let myself feel it, and I was absolutely terrified.

The feeling of letting go and being open to whatever happens in life was what terrified me. Living in that state of mind is not comfortable or easy. But I can tell you that it is freeing. This year has taught me that peace is not in detailed planning. I have learned that there is so much freedom in accepting that I am not in control. I have to constantly remind myself that life is unpredictable. I set myself up for such failure when I construct detailed plans for our future in my head. I allow so much fear and worry to creep in, holding those dreams up, trying to stabilize them. I let the fear of something happening to the people I love cripple me instead of building a foundation on hope and trust. A foundation on the things that matter most in this life. There is such beauty in living in the precious little moments of the everyday. Of appreciating where you are.

Peace is found when your foundation of who you are does not need the material things of this world. Freedom and beauty are found in contentment. And chances are when you let go of your expectations, you will find that the life you are living is better then you could have ever imagined.